Lost Love Issues of Married Or Engaged Adults – A Warning


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Reuniting with a long lost love has always been common, but never as problematic as it is today. Before the Internet, it was not hard to find an old flame (through lost love’s friends or relatives, if need be), but getting that address or phone number by personal contact required transparency. Married adults usually didn’t risk this. The Internet cut out the middleman. Now, a married adult can find a lost love through search engines and classmate finder web sites — even finding out if the old flame is married or available, and getting his or her email address at work — and then send an email without being scrutinized by lost love’s friends or relatives. Your lost love will not know you are married unless you choose to reveal that. The connection by computer seems safe.

Because of the ease of secrecy and the simplicity of writing an email, no one thinks it could cause a problem. What could be the harm? As it turns out, plenty. These simple email letters to lost loves are ruining good marriages. Old feelings for a teen sweetheart often come back after contact has been made. Obsessive thinking about the lost love takes over, even for people who had no thought of a romance when they made contact with the lost love. Many people who contacted lost loves reported that they just “wanted closure.” But there is no closure. Old feelings come back. Even when there is a rekindled romance and it ends, there still may be no closure. People may always love the old aspects of that lost love from years ago. Some adults can’t get rid of that, no matter how much new information they get. They might be able to accept that the lost love romance will never work for them, but that may not close all the old feelings. If someone is married or in a committed relationship, he or she may have to learn to live with those feelings, accept them as part of one’s life, and dismiss them each time they come up. That’s a lot easier if you haven’t seen the lost love. Once a phone call is made, or worse, a face to face meeting occurs, there is no going back to the way it was.

Good marriages are crumbling. Many people who were and are interested in the topic of rekindled romances reported that they were afraid to buy a book about lost love reunions, because they didn’t know how to explain to their spouses why they would own a book about that topic. These people should read about rekindled romance, and they should talk about it with their spouses, before they get into trouble! Married couples have reported that, even though they had talked about their sexual experiences before they were married, they never talked about old feelings for lost loves.

And that is the much more dangerous topic: feelings lurk in the heart, hidden from the significant other like a ticking time bomb. “Move on” is a media term, not a psychological term. Teen feelings can return. If couples would open up, before marriage, about their feelings for old flames, that would make them less vulnerable to affairs with these lost loves if they are ever contacted. Putting the spouse on the alert is a good thing… if you really want to stay married. Married people who want to keep their marriages and families together should understand the strong pull of old love before they search for a lost love and create insurmountable problem for themselves. Understand that the feelings are normal, they won’t go away, but that doesn’t mean they have to be acted upon, or that it would solve anything or prove anything by acting upon them.

If a married person is inadvertently contacted by a lost love, it is okay for the married person to write back, politely. Otherwise, the lost love will feel like he or she was never cared about; that causes tremendous hurt. The lost love has probably written with innocent, although naive, intentions. As long as the married person is sure that he or she is not interested in resuming anything, one or two emails catching up on the years apart, probably won’t hurt. But that’s it — and he or she should tell the spouse! If the married person does not want to tell the spouse, and writes secretly, that is not innocent: it is preserving the right to secrecy and thus to whatever comes of it. And that is a recipe for an extramarital affair and all the heartache that will come of it. New survey research indicates that the likelihood that people will leave their marriages to marry their lost loves is about 5%.

Everyone in these affairs thinks that he or she will be one of the lucky couples. But reality is 5%. Most of the affairs end in heartbreak, but there is so much denial; when a teen sweetheart resurfaces, adults return to high school thinking: “It can’t happen to me. I won’t get caught cheating. I am careful.” The affair is often discovered, and there’s a gender difference: the woman’s marriage may break up as her husband can’t deal with her infidelity; but if her lost love won’t leave his marriage, she is stuck with a divorce, with no partner at all. If the man’s wife finds out about the affair, she may hold onto her marriage but it will be forever damaged. Happy outcomes of lost love affairs are rare. If two people are divorced, single, or widowed, second chances can be lasting and wonderfully satisfying. But a married person should not have any contact with an old flame from youth. No one will turn out happy. Teen idealism is appropriate in adolescence; but during adulthood, when there are spouses, children, careers, community standing, integrity, and financial assets, it is not worth the risk.

Writing Romance With Snap, Crackle and Pop – 8 Easy Steps to Writing Unforgettable Love Stories

Readers of romance want and need a Happily Ever After (HEA) or a Happy for Now (HFN). All of those readers would agree that if the ending doesn’t include the couple coming together and staying together (at least for the moment) the story doesn’t qualify as romance. All this boils down to eight simple expectations. There are three bonus elements that can be used to enhance the storyline for an unforgettable, keeper-shelf, re-readable Romance. Which is the goal of most every writer.

1. Society Defined – In the first few paragraphs of a story, reader need to know how that fictional world works. If it’s a historical romance, readers want to see, feel, hear, taste and smell the time period you are writing about. If it’s a paranormal romance with vampires, werewolves and other sexy creatures (Yes sexy, because we are talking romance after all.), the same rules apply with the addition of conveying to the readers what rules hold true for your created world.

2. The Meeting – Boy meets girl, boy meets boy, girl meets girl (we do live in the twenty-first century after all.) Whichever scenario you choose, it has to happen with some snap, crackle and pop. The readers expect to fall in love with the hero/heroine at the same time as your lovers do on the page. Use whatever you can to make it memorable.

3. The Barrier or Conflict – This is the thing that seems to keep them apart. To use a very simple example think The Montagues and Capulates. Both families kept the young lovers apart and eventually caused their demise. For the record though, Romeo and Juliet is not a romance but a tragedy in the fullest sense. Another example of a conflict could be age, race, laws, internal fears, personal flaws and external sabotage from friend or foe. As you can see, the list goes on and on. Anything and everything that could keep them apart will work well as a barrier or conflict.

4. The Attraction – This is the WOW! factor. The hero and heroine have to have strong feelings for each other, even if one or both don’t want to admit it. One of them could even think the other is an obnoxious, big headed, bully, but underneath it all that person really has incredible warm blue eyes and a very sexy smile. Not to mention the tight muscular physics which screams to be touched every time they are close.

5. The Declaration – This is the point in the story where one or both declare their love for the other. If you use the example of “Pride and Prejudice”, Mr. Darcy declares his love for Miss Bennett very early on. She doesn’t reciprocate at the time but she makes her declaration known near the story end of the story.

6. The Point of Ritual Death – No, no, no. Someone doesn’t really have to die, but something does. Some call this point in the story The Big Black Moment. This usually has to do with an external force, as in another of Jane Austin’s novels. “Emma.” When Emma learns that her good friend has been carrying on with Mr. Knightly and has fallen in love with him, Emma’s heartbroken and she loses all hope of ever being Mrs. Knightley. Of course we all know that wasn’t the case, her friend misunderstood Mr. Knightley’s kindness and Mr. Knightly only had eyes for Emma. The Big Black Moment is when the romance seems doomed and the reader feels the forlornness along with your hero/heroine.

7. The Recognition – This is usually due to some internal change that has happened in a short period of time. As in the case of Mr. Darcy or over a long period of time as in the case of Miss Bennett. The hero realizes he wants to be with the heroine regardless of his past beliefs about class and social standings. The heroine finds that she is in love with the hero because of reasons up till now she didn’t see or understand. His little acts of kindness prove he is the type of man she wants as husband. The best way to put it is simply this: internal conflict that has been building over time is resolved, and the hero or heroine or both, change in some life altering way.

8. The Betrothal – This is where lovers hook up and make a commitment to be together. In historical or regency romance this is Happily Ever After (HEA) however in most contemporary or paranormal, young adult romance, chick lit and other genera’s it’s Happy For Now (HFN), the immediate future.

To make your romance unforgettable with sizzling scenes, ending that resonate with readers long after they finish, and added to a keeper shelf, add one or more of these three bonus elements to your story.

1. The Wedding, Dance or fete – This show your readers life after the betrothal and the beginning of a long-term relationship between your lovers. In “Emma” we see the new Mrs. Knightly dancing with her husband at his annual harvest celebration.

2. The Scapegoat Exiled – Any character in your story who has tried to keep the two lovebirds apart should at this point fly the coop, never to return leaving your happy lovebirds cooing with delight.

3. The Bad Converted – Say you had a character who told lies about one or both of your lovers and the lies and rumors got out of hand and caused a great deal of heartache and pain. This character can redeem himself by coming clean and giving a heartfelt apology.

By including these eight common expectations and one or more of the three bonus elements in your plot, you will fulfill not only the romance readers desires, but you as the writer will fall in love with your characters, craft and love story each time you write the romance that only you can create.

When it Comes to Adult Romance Idea’s

When it comes to adult romance ideas, Women should tell men that they look good or that they have lost a few pounds off that fat tire. After all, who would want to sleep with someone if they are not sure if their partner is attracted to them. Women’s arousal time varies, remember that, You have to determine for yourself how fast is too fast. Women tend to be very emotional, that’s why most women love foreplay. Women must feel close and comfortable to their partners in order to prepare themselves for sexual intercourse.

Women also need to feel important to their lover. Take an active interest in who she is as a person and what goes on in her life. If you want to get your girl moaning for real instead of faking it, you’re going to have to put a bit of work in. And if you do it right She’ll be crazy and possibly too tired for anything else, but it gives you an advantage for other nights, She will thank you and She’ll love you for it.

Women may seem like they are creatures from another planet, moody and short tempered at times, seemingly unreasonable and demanding. A big mistake that too many guys make is going for a kiss in the wrong situation or place. A Womans neck is extremely sensitive, What you can do is to hug her from behind and whisper to her ears. These are great adult romance ideas.

Clear your mind from extraneous thoughts, worries and fears when you come together for love-making. If it isn’t possible to do that, tell your partner that you need some time and then take a walk to clear your head. Relationships based on fear don’t work. There must be respect, love and support to maintain a healthy relationship. Relationships are complicated and will ruin your life before then.

Incredible Adult Romance Ideas That Will Have Her All Over You – Romance Ideas For Adults

I got some great adult romance ideas for you to ensure your date ends on a high note. I am surprised by how many men seem to have no idea how to get a girl in the right mood during their date. It is actually not that difficult.

I would first start out by taking your date to a nice lounge for a few drinks. Make sure you do your diligence when picking the lounge. It should have dim lighting, leather couches and sensual music. You want to able to sit next to her on a leather couch and not across from her, so you can have some physical contact and be cozy.

Then move on to order some tasty cocktails, preferably fruity cocktails. I know most men prefer not to drink fruity cocktails and rather have a beer, but get over it and give it a go, it will impress her. The fruity cocktails will put her in a good mood. Make sure you order two different types, so you can offer her to try your cocktail and she will turn offer you to try her cocktail. She will love that.

When sitting together make sure you sitting very close to her if not touching her. As you are sipping on your cocktails talk about romantic topics. Perhaps mention what the ideal relationship would be for you and ask her to mention what her ideal relationship would be. Get her to to talk about topics that interest her and make her excited. Discover what her passions are and get her talking. There are many adult romance ideas you can use here. You can get her talking about her favourite pets, her travels. Anything that will make her happy.

During the conversation hold her hands and just look at her in the eyes. Then pull back after a few minutes and do it again, believe me it works wonders. Make sure that during the conversation you mention something about your apartment, such as an interesting painting you have, a great music collection, or a cute puppy. Anything that will give her an excuse to go back to your apartment with you.

As things nicely progress and after a few drinks suggest that you go back to your place. Approach it by saying you want to quickly show her the picture, music collection or whatever it was you mentioned in your apartment during your conversation. That is a great subtle excuse that will encourage her to go back to your apartment with you. Also mention you got some drinks over there and some great music.

It is essential that you ensure that your apartment is clean when you take her back and you actually have a few interesting things to show her. Also that you have some romantic music you can turn on and preferably a glass of wine or champagne you can offer her. Before you know it one thing will lead to another and you will embark on your adult romance.

Adult Romance Ideas: Effective Techniques on How to Be Famous in Online Dating

Adult romance ideas are generally not just for those who want to remain romantic in the physical arena, they’re equally as essential in trying to keep the people you encountered online curious about you as well. Developing romance online may be tricky, yet it is by no means much less worthwhile as compared with real world relationship. The fact is that, due to the relatively fixed, ‘cold’ and hands-off playing field the web based dating environment presents, utilizing romance online has become so critical.

The Benefits

First of all, almost any online dater who exhibits adult romance ideas could easily become the most popular individual in almost any dating website society. It can make him the Casanova that everybody desires to date. His woman counterpart will be the belle in every chat room, because people realize that speaking to her will be a pleasure.

How does one produce charm in every facet of his or her online world? Below are some adult romance ideas that can certainly improve your online dating adventure and get more focus right from individuals like you that desire the company of other people that take part in internet dating or maybe just rejuvenating while getting to discover somebody on the internet.

Tips

• Always keep in mind that everyone’s temperature gauge of romance is at a different point; although some people may think sunsets are very romantic, other people may think they’re just merely a component of nature and so they mean nothing to that person – diverse individuals, diverse views, remember this at all times.

• When first getting in contact with someone by using an online dating site e-mail or perhaps chat room, avoid opening statements such as “hi ya!” or “watch’ya doin.” This says volume to a possible background that will or will not reflect the real you. Aiming to be “cool” through internet dating can not work the actual way it works in real life, therefore avoid opening ways in which someone might have good reason to unfairly assess you.

• Try not to utilize phrases related to a sub-culture on the web, such as LOL (laugh out loud) or BTW (by the way) – simply writing this way while talking to a possible web based date shows the impression that you could be timid, don’t know what to say, possess a restricted understanding of the English language or are merely too lazy to write the complete word or sentence.

• Instead use complete phrases, written correctly, even if this means to take an extra moment to convey the point across – taking your time and effort with no short cuts shows your particular date that he/she is significant enough for you to invest some time and for you to be concerned in a communication (everybody enjoys a fantastic communicator).

• By all means do not use swear words or words that don’t have any tact and sophistication.

• Make use of abbreviations, shorts cuts and online slang just when you get to know the individual and his / her way of writing.

• Create poems in a blog – Most dating websites have spots for members’ personal blogs, where you could compose your verses, post your art work and share pictures.

• Design and style your online space with classy shades and images (stay away from black backdrops). Scenery pictures are particularly good since they generally symbolize feelings (i.e. sunsets are sad and sunrises are joyful).

• A number of online dating sites offer e-cards for you to choose from; they vary from ‘standard’ themes to ‘passionate’ themes and everything in between; do not bombard your very first contact with some text that conveys too much obsession or that you are a partier, etc.